Bear with me as there was a bit of brain dump and real-time introspection while writing this post, as the realities of quitting a career in my 40s to answer a calling I should have listened to in my 30s, are still very fresh. But then again, timing is everything.
This may not be a widely shared opinion but I believe the career guidance of “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” sounds great on paper but limits an individual's personal range and professional development. Similarly, the question, “What are you passionate about?” or the exhausted advice to, “pursue your passion” places the same constraints of creativity, curiosity, and exploration on individuals both young and old—and frankly makes my eye twitch. If you’re a curious, adventurous, and independent individual, you recognize this is an ever-evolving answer and you may even be considered directionless in your pursuit of identified passions (plural).
When we are young, we are told we can be anything. At the same time, we are honed, boxed, and funneled into one career path via our educational institutions, chosen studies, and familial guidance or pressure. What we’re not told but is implied via every educational and career choice we make, is we can only be one thing—and we are rarely, if ever empowered with the courage to quit.
Simultaneously, we are fed a contradicting narrative that youth is the (only) time for self-discovery, travel often being included in this category of life. And yet, a majority of young individuals (18-25 years old) do one, if not all, of the following three things immediately after they graduate high school or college:
Get a job
for 99.9% of us getting a job is a required necessity, however, I am speaking to the mindset of establishing a career (referenced in the aforementioned funnel)
Get pregnant (or get someone pregnant)
Get married
So when does the self-discovery phase happen? At 22 years old when you just graduated college and everyone is telling you to get a “real” job and don’t waste your degree? At midlife when it’s considered a crisis? Or after retirement when you just hope you’re still healthy and live long enough to enjoy it?
If, like me, you were fortunate enough to have taken time to discover yourself as a young adult, whether through travel, volunteer work, or a gap year between school and a career, are you allowed to rediscover yourself (again) later in life?
Never Could Have Imagined
Picture this—you’re 40-something years old, making the same commute to your place of employment day after day. You pour all your energies into someone else’s business (dream), coming home sapped with barely enough energy to make dinner. You try to imagine a different future but you’ve worked so hard to get where you are today that you can’t imagine starting over. Maybe you’ve got kids—a family that fills your cup, maybe you love your job, maybe you are content enough because of the financial and healthcare security your job provides, or maybe you have no other choice.
Or perhaps like me, you’re finding yourself on the other side of a reality that doesn’t mirror what everyone else around you is experiencing. That what you thought were inevitabilities—having kids, a big house, the promised promotion, etc. haven’t manifested. Maybe you tried having children but couldn’t conceive. Maybe you’re an empty nester. Maybe you never married or are finding yourself widowed or divorced. Perhaps you’re happily married but besides a pet, there’s not a lot keeping you rooted, outside of your job. Or maybe, by the time you’ve reached your 40s, you’ve accomplished more than you ever thought was possible and aren’t sure where to go with the second half of your life.
At 43 years old, I crossed a really big bucket list item off my life goals checklist. It took nearly a decade to accomplish but in November 2023, Backpackers’ Guide to the Globe was published. This project wasn’t simply a goal I wanted to accomplish, it was the emotional equivalent of birthing a child (one that I couldn’t physically conceive) and manifesting a legacy that I would not otherwise leave on this world in the way that I had imagined when I was younger.
I always imagined I’d have kids—eventually. On my terms and in my timing. I made damn certain I never got pregnant when I was younger because after my first solo travels around Europe I never wanted to have to stop traveling—instead, I wanted to choose when I was ready to have a child.
Life is funny though. Actually, she can seem quite unkind when she sees fit to put you on another path, even when it’s not apparent to you. My husband and I struggled with infertility for four years. By the time I turned 41 years old, I realized that I needed to make peace with not only not having our own child but also not being in a position or mindset to pursue alternative options. During this period of mourning, publishing BGTTG became akin to giving birth and COVID’s continued impact on my professional development (in my day job) gave me the time, determination, and focus I needed to get us to print.
Now What?
Fast forward not even two months post-publishing, and I began to think, “Now what?” I don’t have kids. I published my passion project. I don’t have debt. I’m in good health. My marriage is happy. I’ve just returned from a bucket list trip to Asia. I’ve traveled extensively, both solo and with my husband. I’ve accomplished just about every goal or dream I’ve ever set for myself (within my control) and am only halfway through my life. At the same time, I was reflecting on how much of myself I have given to my career while not receiving much in return.
So I started updating my resume and applying to other companies feeling a career change percolating in my bones. Here’s the thing about resumes—at most, they should be a snapshot of life experiences that incite an extended conversation. Resumes should not define or confine you.
During this time, a question began to formulate. If my life at 40-something years old doesn’t look like most people’s lives at 40-something years old, then why should I live my life like everyone else’s? And if I’m not going to live my life like every other 40-something then “what do I want the next 40 years to look like?”
Those are not small or simple questions. Or ones that I could solely answer by myself.
What’s considered a free-spirited decision, to leave a secure job when you’re a single 20- or 30-something, looks a lot more like a midlife crisis when you're in your 40s.
The Courage to Quit
Several defining factors played into my decision to leave my job but ultimately it came down to self-worth. When a company or a person tells you what they think you’re worth, and you disagree—you can’t stay. If you do, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a narrative you adopt, and is very difficult to change your circumstances. When you stay in a job, friendship, or relationship where you don’t believe you’re being valued, you give away your power and dim your inner light. You have to leave to step into your power, even though it's uncomfortable. I think the same philosophy holds true for solo travel. If you stay grounded because you don’t have anyone to travel with, you convince yourself you're not brave enough, capable enough, strong enough. But you are.
So I had a decision to make: stay with what’s comfortable and secure, even though I was knowingly undervalued and underpaid, or leave—believing the timing is finally right and the payoff has the potential to be 1,000-fold greater.
So I quit.
And began a blog. Again.
I tried keeping a blog once while I was traveling. Before that, I only did journaling. When you look at some of the best travel bloggers, traveling and blogging go hand in hand. This is what makes starting my blog now when I’m not actively traveling (full-time) a bit strange. You can check out my earlier attempt here at Wanderwoman136
Where Does It Lead?
That’s the million-dollar question and I’m excited to say I don’t know. What I do know with certainty is I’m happier than I’ve been in years! It’s not easy. There has been a huge learning curve, I wear all the hats and have to create a ton of value-driven content while remaining authentic and praying the needle will move financially.
However, in the seven weeks since I quit my job, I’ve built my website, created a Solo Travel Training Guide, started my weekly newsletter, provided consistent value-driven content via Instagram, created travel affiliate partnerships, sold a few more copies of Backpackers’ Guide to the Globe, and have my first author interview on Instagram Live, Thursday, June 13, 2024, with Rachel Durshlag, author of While I Walk.
I believe this will work. I believe I have a perspective worth sharing. I believe there are other 40-somethings out there whose metric of success is measured in milestones that look different than what we’re brought up believing success looks like.
I believe you can quit at 40 and it not be a crisis.
I believe you can travel solo.
I believe you can eat gelato every day and not gain weight as long as you’re in Italy.
I believe my purpose in all of this is now to support your future journey.
Life is too short to be spent wondering “what if.”
If you feel moved to share an inspiring story you can comment below or reach out to me directly here.
Happy Travels—whatever that means for you
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